For some, issues of fetish or alternative sexuality may arise simply because ‘conventional’ sex is not enough: the power exchanges and greater range of sensations that stem from kinky sex may be your trigger level for true passion.

But kinky sex, while popular as a discussion point, with everyone making a show of being suitably horrified or really, really uninterested, is little talked about in any real terms. Mainstream fashion now embraces many of the iconic symbols, high heels, whips and sinister female dress, while several high street ‘we’re not really a sex shop’ outlets offer lightweight, expensive and badly made fetish wear and toys. These tend to pull in the curious, but will do little to release and enable those passionate desires, with their focus on tacky goods and expensive magazines.

Dominance, submission, topping, bottoming, switching, masochism, sadism, sensation junkie: where do you fit in? How are you going to find out if you don’t have or cannot create the opportunity to talk about it with those who know? Don’t let fear, shyness or embarrassment keep you from being who you need to be.

Becoming involved in the kink community, being able to talk openly about your needs, being able to see the range of exciting sexual practices that are safe and sane, or at least risk-aware can release your frustrations, your passion and perhaps your sexuality too.

I can coach you into the wonderful world of fetish. A decent profile, a change in how you present yourself, a banishment of shyness or fear of social situations, a kick up the backside into how to get onto the scene.

Its less easy to work if you're within a vanilla relationship, because I can't coach or Domme your wife too. It's less easy to accept who you may be, when who you may be is unacceptable to your partner, or what you may need is unacceptable. More compromise may be needed: on the other hand, better communication and a better resonation of kink may go a long way to overcoming the obstacles of fear, conditioned disgust and taboo that fetish can raise.

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